Several weeks ago, I was at lunch with some friends and one made the offhand comment that she just wasn't a Bible-study person. Several things happened at once, and I want to highlight two of them for our conversation today. When this comment hit the table, no one responded--their silence electing me as the Spokesperson For Convincing Others of the Value of Biblestudy. But I just didn't know what to say, so I too remained silent. I was listening to a young woman who I'd personally seen grow, dismiss the value of studying God's word for her life. She was willing to admit that it must be beneficial for others, but she simply wasn't one of those people.
There are so many tangents I could take with this. But, I want to focus on two: her comment and my reaction. As I sat silently at the table, I was trying to figure out the best way to respond. I knew in that moment, I could reinforce her statement, or could at least give her another angle to consider; and perhaps that angle would open her up to the possibility that Biblestudy is beneficial to all, including her. But, while I paused, someone else choose to speak for me. I am a bit of an entertainer, and those who know me personally know that I'll often take the path that leads to the laugh. A clinical psychologist could probably have a heyday analyzing my need to make people like me by entertaining them, even at my own expense. And this pattern in my behavior must have been the reason that another friend at the table announced something like "oh here it comes, Nicky's going to loose it". In a split second I was choosing between the thoughts I had been considering (how to encourage this girl to engage God's word) or to react melodramatically, as was expected, and make the situation (hopefully) a joke.
I'd like to say I convinced this girl that there was no such person as a not-a-biblestudy-person. That indeed, she may have been previously invloved in Biblestudies that had dissapointed her in some way; but that must have been a shortcoming of the study itself, the method or the format, or even the theacher, but NOT that she had nothing to gain from small group study. I'd like to say that I did that.
But, I instead allowed my other friend to (in essence) tell me how to react. I didn't actually "loose it" but I did offer some kind of muddled response between what I would've liked to have said, and a response far less gentle.
So this leads me to the two things I'd like us to ponder together, and I really hope that you take a moment to comment, I'd really like to hear your response (especially since I had to post the short version of this, since the full length would have been tooooo long)
What do you think of the question my friend posed at the lunch table? Do you think there are people who just aren't Biblestudy-people? Do you feel that way about yourself? If not, what would you have said?
Have you ever botched an opportunity to do or say the right thing in a loving way, because you were expected to react differently?
There are so many tangents I could take with this. But, I want to focus on two: her comment and my reaction. As I sat silently at the table, I was trying to figure out the best way to respond. I knew in that moment, I could reinforce her statement, or could at least give her another angle to consider; and perhaps that angle would open her up to the possibility that Biblestudy is beneficial to all, including her. But, while I paused, someone else choose to speak for me. I am a bit of an entertainer, and those who know me personally know that I'll often take the path that leads to the laugh. A clinical psychologist could probably have a heyday analyzing my need to make people like me by entertaining them, even at my own expense. And this pattern in my behavior must have been the reason that another friend at the table announced something like "oh here it comes, Nicky's going to loose it". In a split second I was choosing between the thoughts I had been considering (how to encourage this girl to engage God's word) or to react melodramatically, as was expected, and make the situation (hopefully) a joke.
I'd like to say I convinced this girl that there was no such person as a not-a-biblestudy-person. That indeed, she may have been previously invloved in Biblestudies that had dissapointed her in some way; but that must have been a shortcoming of the study itself, the method or the format, or even the theacher, but NOT that she had nothing to gain from small group study. I'd like to say that I did that.
But, I instead allowed my other friend to (in essence) tell me how to react. I didn't actually "loose it" but I did offer some kind of muddled response between what I would've liked to have said, and a response far less gentle.
So this leads me to the two things I'd like us to ponder together, and I really hope that you take a moment to comment, I'd really like to hear your response (especially since I had to post the short version of this, since the full length would have been tooooo long)
What do you think of the question my friend posed at the lunch table? Do you think there are people who just aren't Biblestudy-people? Do you feel that way about yourself? If not, what would you have said?
Have you ever botched an opportunity to do or say the right thing in a loving way, because you were expected to react differently?
2 comments:
It may be that one or all of the other three girls who had been at lunch that day happen to read this post. Please forgive me, if I didn't recall the details of the conversation perfectly. But if you are reading this, please don't hesitate to join the conversation.
N.
I absolutely agree with your friend that not every Christian is a biblestudy-type person. While I was exploring Christianity, I found that biblestudy was not for me. My heart responded better to group (the larger the better) hymn singing. It fed my soul more than study.
I'm a fan of playing devil's advocate and questioning authority and a fan of facts SO biblestudy ended up being more of a battle ground. I asked questions that made people feel uncomfortable and/or uncomfortable answering. I was attending two different Christian churches at the time--one had a large gathering with lots of song which I loved immediately because it was similar to what I was used to growing up LDS. The other was smaller, intrusive and cultish--also very similar to my upbringing. The smaller one required everyone to attend biblestudy, which was where I gathered my experience. The larger one offered it but I didn't seek it out.
I'll not assume that all biblestudies are alike but I'll tell you what I think of the one I attended. Biblestudy is a support group of sorts. People get together to re-vamp their faith in what they believe and re-study what exactly it is they believe and be near others who think alike. I don't think all people need the extra support system to maintain their faith. I also don't believe that going to biblestudy makes you a better Christian or a more devout Christian. If someone has to go to a meeting to stay strong in their faith, maybe they lack enough faith in their beliefs to sustain them. Then the question is, "Why not have faith in those beliefs?"
As for the other question:
"Have you ever botched an opportunity to do or say the right thing in a loving way, because you were expected to react differently?"
I'd have to say yes.
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