Monday, August 31, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
10. any incident with a sky-diving Elvis
9. not likely to wind up on a date with Wayne Newton
8. not likely to wake up wed to a perfect stranger
7. will have no need to assemble our brilliant-yet-quirky team of criminal masterminds to do any of the following: steal back our estranged spouse/steal a fortune from multiple casinos/impersonate the celebrities we actually are/or take revenge on an arch enemy.
6. since we will be playing it relatively low-key, there will be no need to identify our remains by our plastic surgery; which is a good thing, since we're all implant-free, and would otherwise remain Jane Doe 1, 2, and 3 in the Vegas morgue.
5. are not likely to wake up with circus animals in our suite, or a mysterious infant.
4. are not likely to sneak down to the roulette table, claiming "I'm just going down the hall for some ice"
3. not going to wind up with a dead hooker in the trunk (ok, I'm not going to include the link to the movie reference here, simply because I disliked the film so much, I didn't bother seeing the whole thing. It makes the list because this is the item that started this top ten list to begin with)
2. not likely to have to disguise ourselves as chorus girls or drag queens to hide from the mob or exact information from an unwilling informant
1. none of us are likely to be found drunk, stumbling and swearing at the roulette table, asking a stranger to blow on the dice that aren't in our hand, while shouting "c'mon, mamma needs a new Bible!"
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. and
1. they put out.
she never uses the phrase "God told me you were going to marry me"
Monday, August 24, 2009
10. you don't have to "court", whatever that means.
9. you know what he's after, regardless of whether or not you're willing to give it to him
8. you actually know when you're on a date
7. strangers in church won't ask you how soon the wedding will be
6. church attendance doesn't count as a date
5. breaking up doesn't include the either of the phrases "the only relationship I should be in right now is with Jesus" or "let's just see what God has in store for us"
4. you don't have to find a new church when it's over
3. he will never compare you to Proverbs 31
2. his list of qualities that he's looking for in a girlfriend doesn't include a willingness/ability to home school his future children
1. well, frankly, non-Christian guys are the ones asking
and honorable mentions go to:
notable absence of the pre-dating breakup: where one person in the friendship feels compelled to organize a DTR (define the relationship) to let the other person down easily, despite the fact that they've never been on a date together.
he thinks the idea of "kissing dating goodbye" is absurd
I was at the movie theater yesterday, and my friend and I were seated in a row where there was a railing in front of us, instead of seats. It's a special row, with pairs of seats spaced apart providing space for wheelchair access, and like every other patron at this theatre, my friend and I had our feet up on the bar. A man walked up--past several empty seats and at least half a dozen other people with their feet up--and stopped at a seat next to our railing told him to move his feet, and then proceeded to sit in the seat near the bar. Although this man did not say please (or even ask for that matter, really, he barked out a command) my friend gently smiled and moved his feet to a lower bar on the railing and further away from the man's seat. After several minutes, the man got up called my friend an a$$hole and moved to a different seat.
I was stunned at the completely random and unprovoked display. Plenty of rhetorical questions abound. Why my friend? Why that seat? But finally, How often do I behave that way? The man was indeed beastly, and I am proud to say that my friend was unruffled by the encounter. It left me wondering how often I exhibit the same attitude. Sadly, more often that is ever warranted.
Not too long ago, I walked into the new Chili's restaurant near my office. It was a busy day, right at lunchtime, and I was meeting friends. I asked if they just seated three gals, who were waiting for one more person (myself) and the multiple, cute little blond hostesses just looked at me in confusion, and then pointed to a very large group to my right. "Do you mean that party of seven?" Um, no. About then I noticed my friends to the back and pointed "oh there they are". Perfectly reasonable exchange, right? Except that as I took a step away "how hard is that?" (or something else totally catty) came flying out of my mouth. I didn't even think the thought before it came shooting out of my mouth. I didn't say it directly to any of them, and so perhaps the din of the busy restaurant kept a few of them from hearing it. But I'm sure at least one of them did. What I said was uncalled for and I have no idea why I said it.
So to those unfortunate witnesses who've seen my Surly Old Lady behavior I officially apologize, and hope that you see her less and less frequently. I'm working on the old bat.
Have you ever encountered your own surly old lady or surly old man?
Monday, August 10, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Sometimes we need to remember that everyone else isn't a surperflous character in the story of ME. Rather, we have the opportunity to be an excellent supporting character in the story of Them + God.
We also need to recongize the people who are being "excellent supporting characters" in our own lives. Not to make it about us again, but rather to acknowlege that even when it is kinda about us, we aren't in a vaccum. Other people are involved in our lives.
Over and over again, God called his people to erect memorials to events where God interviened for them. He understands the necessity for us to recognize and remember far better than we do.
Who do you need to recognize has having a signifgant impact on your life?